I guess that was why I failed to see much value in it when reading in the early 1990's the work of Marcia Linehan. Sure the innate value of having something to do that is constructive as opposed to de-structive, is certainaly of value. Simplel distraction is easy to do if it is physical pain, believe it or not: to the degree when able to concentrate. However, when not able to concentrate, then no, you take what you have to, treat to a degree. But obliterating pain actually serves a counterproductive nature. Sure, joking about things, that is one thing, and my own humor can be hard to tell the difference, but being mostly a loner and preferring it, I guess I never saw the purpose in how pleasing everyone but myself produced much happiness in my own life.
Marcia Linehan's work can certainly benefit those incapable of getting to the root of what causes their behavior and making some changes?
That is the hard part. Where work is involved, change happens, which can be painful. As someone once said to me, "When a person feels pain they innately move away, much like the burner of a hot stove-certainly that made sense-and some who are able can move through it, and make the changes, and growth can happen." That I see as a beautiful thing.
So is knowing the difference. But I am of one that getting to the root of the problem that causes a person-borderline personality disorder was her initial area of study but unfortunately I feel the value of her work was actually lessened by the overdiagnosis of the disorder.
Soon one agency I know of and with no doubt others certainly had to have followed suit. And they one by one diagnosed almost every female, and an inordinate number of males, since this is a diagnosis of primarily young women-at least upon initial diagnosis. Treatment is only in small part intended to be pharmacologic, though many come to rely upon the use of psychiatric medication much I feel the same way modern psychiatry relies upon some very damaging and only in part can one recover from the labels given out by some "modern" psychiatrists.
As a child of the late 1970s and mostly the 1980s though my own life required I grow up and do it fast, I was fine and happy to do it. I guess acting like a child was not always seen by me as an opportunity. Now why the good work of psychiatry of the 1980s was abandoned, I guess I will never know: what was necessary to chase away the intolerable deamons was simply given: Tegretol, Lithium, or what have you-but it was combined with therapy because very few medicines if any were meant to be on for a lifetime. They cause damage to a person's body eventually by changing the way it works normally. If one can be found that does not? Great. Show me one.
I availed myself of some of her work, noted things that helped me get by-but if I could take hindsight and make it the present? I would have stuck to what had worked for me before the events of June 1994.
But some things, I have recently come to conclude you allow others who can handle remembering daily and let them have it. Others, like myself, I think perhaps I am best off remembering when I am ready-and does it matter if we are not destroying ourselves in the process? I don't think I really do. When one person comes along and forces a memory and then puts the person, unknowingly at first maybe, but after a time, it seems that a person as an adult even at the time, though young, I already had much going for me, even a career-though one that did not last because I honestly feel that it one, wasn't the one I wanted to begin with, but for another reason, I was stuck in a point unable to move on, but unable to move period.
I think what I hid from was something else I can't change. Not the past-no one, not God, or anyone can change that.
I have a feeling that in my own young mind at the time, it was what I was atttempting to do. The actions of another? Showed clearly they felt otherwise. That it had to be mental pain I was covering, and when passing judgement on the actions of another, maybe an honest conversation ought to take place before anyone decided upon your fate-especially one that can potentially get one caught reliving a nightmare and the worst day of their lives and the worst thing they have ever seen: the actions of the truly evil lived out in front of them. In allowing my own heart to heal, I have found that in prayer mostly and in journal the majority there was little need to really lay it at the feet of another. And I think many lives would have gone unchanged had it been allowed to die that day, and the memories of those able, to carry out what happened. My own was not meant to and I think in knowing that, I went to the accountability I felt ought to have taken place, allowed for that process to happen, and fought to move on.
Again, presence of others, it pretty much would not allow for it, and my own failing health was the reason my career, and maybe that I wasn't as cut out for it as I thought. Caring for others, it does not have to be done physically, it can be done in many ways. Each of us does something each day I think that shows we love and care for others. If it is allowed to be seen that way.
When it becomes destructive to others, or perpetuates a pattern of behavior in other people that damages their lives, then no, that is why laws and rules, both written and unwritten say that "folks, time to cut the crap." And sometimes when a person puts an excuse above all else to continue something, then no: you do what your part is to stop it. If you have no part in it to begin with, and are uncertain? Generally when someone is not being protected by others, then give them enough "rope" and they will do the fine job themselves.
When others feel enough of a need to protect what they do: well, then they both will give themselves enough rope, and it will be up to someone else. This person is too tired to play cop on the lives of others. And has seen enough pain that the actions of others, and even the destructive actions of myself to really want a part in it. I keep my distance, and well, I may share beliefs in one way or another. For those who care to take part in it.
And I pay a very high price for it as well.
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